Trauma is a rupture
Being human by nature is challenging, and of course the range of challenge is vast… we all know someone along the spectrum of enduring a life full of difficulty and others seem to have more beneficial circumstance… yet, no matter what, we all experience a separation from our fundamental truth – SELF.
What I mean by SELF, is the unconditioned sense of being which feels spacious and free, as though we are unburdened.
Due the nature of the human condition, we are born to parents that themselves have experienced suffering and in unconscious ways pass on their suffering and pattern to us. Depending on how severe that imprint is, it will determine how much defending we will do and consequently keep our SELF protected from our parents and possibly others. All of us are imprinted by our family dynamics and depending on how much love, support, and mirroring of our true SELF we receive, that determines how much suffering in the form of anxiety and depression we can potentially experience.
So when we experience trauma, which is a rupture to the evolution of SELF, a new ego identity is formed to help us survive and cope with our environment. This process helps us feel safe but it leaves us unfulfilled… a sense of emptiness which we unfortunately fill with many activities, people, and addictions, which all at the end of the day can not fill the emptiness, because what is empty is the attempt to be superficially happy.
Trauma is a rupture
Trauma is a rupture… a disruption along the line of SELF expression which when we experience feels like something is missing. What’s missing is the creative source of SELF which feels like a natural sense of being who we really are… once the disruption occurs, the survival patterns take over and become deeply engrained as they initially work to protect us but eventually the become outdated and feel stale… and then anxiety and depression take a much deeper seat in consciousness and now addictions are the next step to dealing with the rupture because the anxiety and depression do not go away despite all ordinary means… because anxiety and depression are the smoke of the rupture, we need to address the fire, that we are far from our home… SELF..
As part of the rupture, we develop a negative self perception because as children we must preserve our parents as god like because if we acknowledge our rage and dissatisfaction with them, we might face their wrath or abandonment, therefore we choose the protective quality we now call self, and we unconsciously make it negative.
This process allows us to be the target… and temporality we either avoid getting hurt and we also adapt new ways of getting love that are far removed from SELF… we get love through distorted ways of feeling and thinking, therefore by pointing the finger at ourselves, a negative self image serves many functional purposes. But the consequences are severe, drastic, and deeply painful.. because at some point we feel so negative with our created protected self that we need to hide from the fact that we can not be happy while we destroy ourselves.
So we become over identified that we are bad… somehow we are bad even though we have done nothing… it’s a strange feeling that produces guilt, shame, and self-loathing. We start to experience this feeling no matter what we do or what partner we have… we try every positive and negative way of getting rid of the guilt in an attempt to improve upon the imaginary self… but we all know, we can’t make a mirage real.
So the work we must do, is to recognize that the guilt, shame, negativity, are all attempts to protect us from becoming vulnerable to SELF, which has become hidden behind the guilt. We are afraid to let go of the shame and guilt because we might get hurt… and the irony is this… we unconsciously find people and circumstances that keep recreating trauma and the guilt… this is a perfect set-up for protection and misery…
So, as part one of this series… please reflect upon the ways you choose people and circumstances that help support your patterns of negativity and guilt, and keep you away from SELF… and remember, don’t blame them. You have chosen them as part of your story… you get to choose your story…
About Alex Boianghu
With Journey to Wholeness, my aim is to make psychotherapy readily available to everyone around the world in the comfort and privacy of their homes.
From my perspective, the goal of therapy is to let go of outdated ways of living that make you feel “stuck” or “in survival mode”, so that you can live in freedom, joy and success. You can learn more about me here.
In addition to psychotherapy, I am offering a variety of courses, practices, articles and videos covering a wide range of psycho-spiritual topics. Please feel free to get in touch with me for a free 15-minute consultation in which we can address your questions and discuss a plan of action for your specific needs.
I am deeply moved to walk together on the path of healing with YOU. Join me!